How can I avoid offending the doctor?

You may be concerned that the oncologist or surgeon will take your request for a second opinion as an expression of doubt or lack of confidence. Keep in mind that doctors receive this request very frequently. While some oncologists do resist when patients ask for a second opinion, most are supportive of the idea. No matter which way the oncologist reacts, all patients have the right to get a second opinion, and you may need to assume the role of advocate to make sure it happens. (For more information on this issue, see "What's the best way to ask for a second opinion on how to treat my mother's breast cancer?")"Some doctors appreciate it when you want to bring in another expert because then the decision about treatment doesn't rest solely on their shoulders," says Bonnie Bajorek Daneker, author of The Compassionate Caregiver's Guide to Caring for Someone With Cancer. In cases where there's more than one treatment option to choose from, Daneker says, the doctor may welcome having another expert weigh in.