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More things you may witness at a loved one's death

The Passing: What to Expect When Witnessing a Loved One's Death: Page 5

By , Caring.com contributing editor
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The dying person often seems peaceful at the end.

"She opened her eyes, and the house grew quiet. Her face softened and all the wrinkles and tension went away. Later the hospice nurse recommended that I not watch them take the body out because it had stiffened, and I appreciated that because now I can remember the relaxed mother I saw last." -- Aoife, a northern California designer

Especially when the route has been long and marked by physical struggle, many people observe that the moments around death itself are calm. "So many people I talk to about dying tell me they wish they could die in their sleep. I'd estimate 95 percent of people dying naturally from illness go into brief coma -- like a profound sleep state -- before they die," hospice nurse Callanan says. "So the good news is that most of us do die in our sleep."

Jo Reichel, a teacher in Michigan, sat watching the Olympics with her father the morning he died after a summer full of repeat hospitalizations. "I was sitting on the floor next to his chair and kept looking between the TV and him. At 6:30 he was alive, and by 6:32, he'd simply stopped breathing. At first I wasn't even sure I should wake my sisters to tell them, because he looked so relaxed."

For Frances, an Ohio accountant, the moments after death were unreal but not frightening. "I'd never been in the room with a dead person before. But I had a strong sense that body wasn't my father any more. It felt like he had up and left the room; it was terribly sad but also strangely peaceful."