More things you may witness at a loved one's death

The dying person may seem to choose the final moment.

"The hospice people had told me that sometimes people won't die when their loved ones are in the room, especially if the person has played a protective role in their lives. Or that they hang on if they feel you can't let them go. So before I stepped out to get something to eat, I told my Dad that if he had to go it was OK, that he had done everything he could to raise us and we could raise ourselves now. Not seven minutes later, a nurse met me in the hall and said he was gone. I guess I felt a bit cheated because I wanted to witness this crossing over." -- Lise Funderburg, Philadelphia writer

Many people report feeling "cheated" or as if they "let down" a loved one by not being there at the moment of death. Others blame themselves as "failures" for inadvertently allowing the person they love to die alone. In many cases the survivor had stayed glued to the bedside for hours, determined to be there, turning away or stepping out for only an instant.

But those who work in hospice think it's the other way around: Passing away often happens minutes after loved ones leave the bedside, as if the dying person is choosing to spare them the final moment. This is especially true, they say, with individuals toward whom the dying person feels protective.

Also common: The dying person seems to hang on to wait for someone to visit or something to be said. One South Carolina woman's mother lingered in hospice for months until she received the news that her also-ill, adored younger sister had died. She died herself the next morning. "It was as if she wanted to spare her sister her own news," her daughter said.