Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who wrote extensively on death and dying, described the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In fact, these stages are common among people confronting all sorts of life challenges, from a romantic breakup to a wrenching job loss.

The stages may not progress in order

Those who work with the dying say that most people experience these stages, but they don't make a smooth transition from one stage to another. Instead, most move, in no particular order, from one stage to another and back again over the course of their illness -- and even over the course of a single hour or day. When talking to a loved one about his death, it's a good idea to take these stages into account -- not as a rigid formula, but as a guide to understanding his behavior.

Let him come to accept death in his own way

Your loved one may seem to accept his terminal diagnosis and be planning accordingly. Then one day when you visit him, you find that he's booking hotel rooms for a trip to Italy next summer, even though he has only two months to live. In such cases, it's not advisable to challenge his denial: "Oh, Dad, don't be ridiculous. You heard what Dr. Thompson said!" But neither should you go along with it: "Gee, Dad, that sounds great! Which cities do you plan to visit?" Instead, acknowledge the feelings behind his words. "I know you've always wanted to visit Italy" or "Wouldn't a trip like that be fabulous!" Your loved one is simply coming to terms with his death in his own way, and, unless he's genuinely delusional, will likely quietly give up his travel plans as the reality of his circumstances sinks in.

Try not to take anger personally, and reassure him that he's not alone

You might find that your loved one expresses anger -- at his doctor for not curing his illness, at the nurses in the nursing home for not taking good care of him, at you for simply being in the vicinity. Again, it's most helpful not to argue with your parent -- or to humor him, either. Simply acknowledge his feelings: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Some people die without ever moving out of the denial stage, refusing to acknowledge death until it's upon them. Others live out their last days in anger, bitterly railing against the miserable fate they've been dealt. Still others sink into a deep depression that makes it difficult to be around them. If your loved one fits any of these descriptions, it's still worth trying to talk to him about his approaching death, even if he's unreceptive, if only to let him know how you feel about him before he's gone.

Dying can be a lonely process. Visits and calls from friends and relatives often begin to taper off as death approaches, more often out of sadness or concern about intruding than indifference, but for the dying person, the result can be the same. Reassure him that you'll be a solid source of support throughout the process, and stick to this commitment. This doesn't mean that you must quit your job or forsake your family. You have a life, and you need to take care of yourself; your siblings or family friends may be able to help, too. At the same time, try to be a consistent, reliable presence in your loved one's life. Be sure to show up when you say you will, and stick around for the tedious moments, as well as the transformative.