What to say in your initial e-mail

Here's a sample e-mail letter you can modify to fit your own personality and needs. Be sure to list your requests in the order of what your parent needs most, since people tend to react most strongly to what they read first, and delete ones that don't apply. Add an appropriate sign-off to the letter with your preferred contact information.

Dear family and friends,

Since hearing the news that my [father or mother], [name here], has cancer, many of you have kindly offered to help and asked what you can do. We very much appreciate your support, and we're happy to accept your assistance. Because my [father or mother] isn't feeling well and I am busy managing [his or her] care, there are many things we can't cope with right now. Here are some of the things you could do that would make life easier for us.

Cooking It would be wonderful if you could make one of my [mother's or father's] favorite dishes. I can even supply you with a recipe. We'll want to freeze food for future use, so please divide the dish into single portions and wrap them in plastic wrap or put them in disposable dishes for freezing. (It would be difficult right now to keep track of dishes and serving utensils and return them.)

Shopping A grocery run would be much appreciated. I'm happy to provide a shopping list. It would also be great if you could let me know when you're making trips of your own to the grocery store, drugstore, or hardware store so I can ask you to pick up a few things while you're there. We could also use help shopping for holiday gifts and other occasions and wrapping them. Needless to say, I'll immediately reimburse you for any expenditures.

Transportation If you can drive my [mother or father] to a doctor's appointment, support group, or social function, that would be helpful. Some of these need to be scheduled in advance, so if there are certain days or times that are best for you, please let me know. If you regularly attend an event or meeting with my parent, I'd appreciate your offer to do the driving. You could also help by driving other family members to events and appointments.

Household tasks Any help will be appreciated. Come over and do a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, vacuum, or dust. Other help we could use:

• Pick up and sort the mail.
• Water and care for houseplants.
• Feed the cat or walk the dog.
• Weed or water the garden.

Just let me know ahead of time when you can come so I can plan to be there and make good use of your time.

Gifts of services If you'd like to give my parent something but aren't sure what he needs, please consider the gift of a massage or other treatment. (I'd be happy to tell you what services we're using at any time.)

Support and encouragement My [mother or father] loves reading mail from friends. If you can send an encouraging note or card every few weeks, it would cheer him up to know you're thinking about [him or her].

Other needs At various times we could use help getting the car serviced, filling out insurance paperwork, or staying with my parent (or being on call) while I take a night or weekend off. If you're available for this kind of support, please let me know.

Again, my sincerest thanks to all of you for your support and help. If you have any questions, you can reach me at [phone or e-mail address].