Bathing your mom: getting past the awkwardness
Let's face it, giving your mom a bath isn't an easy thing for you or for her. Bathing is one of the most intimate kinds of personal care, second maybe only to changing an incontinent parent’s diaper. You're likely to feel awkward, embarrassed, and self-conscious. Your mom feels all of these emotions, too, as well as helpless and vulnerable. Expect these feelings to be heightened if you're a son.
If you can afford to hire someone to provide this level of care, that's a big help. But for many families this expense is way outside the family budget, especially if she needs help for months or years. So it falls to you.
Fortunately, there's a positive side to the job. Most people feel better when they're clean, revived, and refreshed. It's uplifting. To give this sensation to another person, especially to your parent, is rewarding. And it really does get easier with time as you learn routines that work for you.
"This is a trial and error kind of thing," says Jennifer Serafin, a geriatric nurse practitioner (GNP) for the Jewish Home for the Aged in San Francisco. "The first couple of times it might be awful. You may get more water over you than your parent. You're not a failure. Give yourself a break."
Your mom doesn't need a full head-to-toe body scrub daily, and in fact it can damage older skin, which tends to be dry and sensitive. Two or three times a week should be enough. But daily cleaning of the private areas and under skin folds is recommended. Briefer daily cleaning can be done with wipes or a warm washcloth. For efficiency, use bath time to shampoo your mom's hair, clean her teeth, and check her nails -- a sort of one-stop shop of grooming.
Be very careful when using no-rinse soaps. If not diluted properly, they can cause a terrible, itchy rash that can take weeks to heal. It is better to add more water than recomended and then rinse thoroughly with another clean washcloth with plenty of water. Everyone is better off if you have to change a wet bed than having an unwashed parent or one with a bad rash!
Contains new ideas - which will help me do a better job. Thanks!
I met my 96 year old mother's bathing problem by having a bidet put on the toilet. While I sponge bathe her, the warm water sprays on her bottom. There is a spray for the back and one for the front. The last thing we do is wipe the front and back with toilet paper and check to see how clean the areas are. Cream all over helps keep all areas soft and gives added protection from moisture. As an Alzheimer patient, my mother is not afraid to "clean up" for the day. Look for an European bath and kitchen store in your area or go on line to view bidets. What a wonderful invention for a home caregiver!
I have good news for you regarding helping a parent bathe. There's a garment that your loved one can wear in the shower or while bathing. It covers personal body areas and it gets wet during bathing. The accessory is called personal care wear and can be found on www.dignityrc.org Hope this helps!