If your parents want to stay at home but have more house than they can handle, it may be time to find them a housemate who's short on cash but long on energy.
What is a home share?
Any arrangement in which nonfamily members live together can be called a home share. For seniors, though, the most common scenario goes like this: Your parents have plenty of space but have trouble keeping the place up. They rent out a bedroom and bathroom to someone who -- in exchange for reduced rent -- is willing to help out with household chores.
Don't make the mistake of thinking a home share will mean 24/7 care for your parents. The help a renter provides is typically along the lines of shoveling snow, picking up groceries, and giving elders a lift to occasional doctor's appointments.
If it works, your parents get to remain in their home, and the renter gets an affordable place to live. Grad students, white collar employees in town temporarily, and middle-aged women saving for a nest egg are all common home-share renters. While the arrangement may seem odd to you, it's not a foreign concept to many seniors whose families took in boarders during the Great Depression.
What are the benefits of a home share?
Remaining in their home is the dearest wish of most seniors, and a successful home share can help make it possible. Small obstacles and difficulties that might otherwise push your parents into formalized assisted living can be alleviated by a housemate who's handy with repairs or who doesn't mind making a weekly run to the grocery store or occasionally chauffeuring your parents to doctors' appointments.
It's also safer to have another person around the house, someone to notice if your parents leave the stove on or a door open, and to let you know if your parents seem ill or depressed. In addition, con artists, burglars, and other opportunists may be deterred by the presence of a younger, more physically able person. And if your parents like to travel occasionally, they'll feel more comfortable knowing there's someone watering the plants and keeping an eye on the house while they're away.
For some seniors, having companionship at home is a big part of the appeal of a home share. A parent who has recently lost a spouse may look forward to hearing the front door open or footsteps in the hallway. If you're able to find your parent a housemate who also enjoys some companionship, the arrangement can be a big boost for both of them.
A home share is often a huge plus financially, too. The cost of institutionalized living for seniors can be crushing. The longer your parents stay at home, the better off their budget will be. If their housemate pays some rent, that income can help pay the bills and justify the expense of keeping the house. As the cost of utilities rises, many seniors are choosing to ask for less help from their renters so they can charge more per month to cover their costs.
What are the downsides of a home share?
Sharing a home with a stranger can be a difficult adjustment -- especially for seniors who may not have lived with anyone other than a spouse for many decades. Your parents may balk at the idea of giving up their privacy, at having to clear out space for someone else's food in the fridge, or at hearing someone else's favorite TV show in the living room.
The risk of a culture clash runs particularly high when you factor in the generation gap that may exist between your parents and a potential housemate. Their ideas about what constitute "civilized" hours, a comfortable inside temperature, acceptable noise levels, or responsible spending habits could be wildly incompatible. Unless your parents find someone they're comfortable around and can communicate openly with, they may feel that their home and daily routines have been hijacked by this interloper.
The relationship between your parents and their housemate is one that will require some maintenance. Your parents (or you) will need to be very clear about what exactly is expected from the housemate, preferably in writing, and what will be provided in exchange, or your parents may find themselves hosting someone who isn't contributing much -- financially or otherwise.
Of course, there's always the possibility that a dishonest housemate could use her cozy position in the house to take advantage of your parents. Most elder abuse is financial in nature. In addition to carefully screening candidates, suggest that your parents keep important documents and cash locked away or located somewhere other than their house.
Keep in mind, too, that even if your parents find a terrific match, home sharing may not be a long-term solution. Many renters use a home share as a temporary setup when they move to a new city or take a temporary job and are loath to sign a lease for a year.
Even if your parents find a renter who's looking for a long-term arrangement, as your parents age, their housemate's help may no longer be adequate, or the person may begin to balk at what's required. At this point you may need to turn to some professional help, either in your parents' home or in a more structured setting.
Are your parents good candidates for a home share?
Home sharing isn't for everyone, notes Jacqueline Grossmann, copresident of the National Shared Housing Network, who helps set up home shares in Chicago. It requires flexibility and a willingness to deal with problems openly and calmly.
Before raising the idea with your parents, try to consider them objectively: Have they enjoyed having houseguests? Are they assertive enough to make their needs known? Are they able to compromise? Do they easily communicate their thoughts? If the answer to any of these is no, consider other options, such as taking out a reverse mortgage if your parents need income, and hiring help instead.
That said, many people do make good home sharers -- and they're not all alike. Some are tired of living alone and want company. They look forward to developing a friendship with a housemate. Others want a more businesslike arrangement. They prefer very little personal interaction and would live alone if they could afford it. Both kinds of people can successfully share a home.
If you think home sharing might be a good idea for your parents, run through the pros and cons with them. Ask them: In what ways would home sharing be better than your present living situation? In what ways would it be worse? Give them some time to mull over the idea before asking whether they want to move ahead with it.
What's the first step toward setting up a home share?
If your parents are open to the idea, check with the city planning board to see whether there are any zoning restrictions regarding home sharing. Some towns restrict the number of unrelated people living in the same house.
Then it's time for a series of conversations with your parents to hammer out the details. What would they most need help with from a housemate? Take a walk around the house -- what's being neglected? What kind of rent would your parents need to balance out their bottom line? What amount is reasonable to charge for the room itself, and what amount should that rent be reduced in exchange for the housemate's help? Would more rent money or more assistance be better for them? Sketch out a plan of what you and they would ideally like to get from the match.
You'll then need to decide whether you'd like to find a housemate on your own or work through a matching service. You can find a state-by-state directory of organizations that help set up home shares at nationalsharedhousing.org. If you choose to go it alone, you can post a listing in your local newspaper or online classifieds like Craigslist.
Also check out our step-by-step guide to setting up a homeshare and our interview questions for prospective housemates.
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