Most older adults are driven to take on the search for their legacy, whether they're conscious of it or not. If you pay attention to someone close to you, you'll detect signs that she's looking back into the past and reviewing her life choices. She's likely to talk about the watershed events that helped determine her life's path as well as the people who influenced them. She may wish to contact old friends, visit the street where she grew up, or take a trip to a place that holds special meaning.

If you want to support her through this process, the most important thing you can do is show up and pay attention. Rather than tuning out or changing the subject, try to really listen to what she has to say. It may be difficult to listen to well-worn memories and anecdotes, particularly if you've heard them before. But the stories she tells over and over often hold a key to the legacy issues she's working through.

You'll find her reminiscences more interesting if you take an active role. Ask probing questions to help your friend or relative view his or her experiences from different perspectives. Think of creative ways to stimulate her memories and reflections.

For example, if your father mentions a buddy he flew with as a bomber pilot during the war, ask him about this friend. Find out if they ever spoke again after the war was over and when he last heard from him. Do a little research. If the friend is still alive, you could help your father write a letter or plan a visit, if possible.

Encourage your father to talk about other wartime buddies, day-to-day life in the military, where he went, and what he saw. Ask to see photos, if he has them, or look at a map together so your dad can show you where he was stationed and the routes he flew.