Trap 5: Embalming at all costs

This article usefully highlights some of the main 'traps' people fall into when faced with the daunting prospect of arranging a funeral. As the author rightly points out, most people are unprepared for this task, as culturally we still refrain from discussing our death care plans. One of the most useful and caring things we could do for our family is to actually preplan our funeral wishes, and ensure the costs are set aside. As rightly pointed out, this doesn't have to be in a prepaid funeral plan, but simply a document setting out our wishes, discussed with family and an amount set aside in a savings account. Culturally we are shifting from traditional "full-service" funerals to more personalized, simple rituals. Many today just refuse to spend ridiculous expense on a funeral. I mean it really is like burying, or burning, money! A simple cremation and your own private memorial service can all be achieved in a very dignified and personalized manner for under $1,000. DFS MEMORIALSis a network of local Mom & Pop funeral homes that serve their local community in offering 'affordable' alternatives to expensive "full-service" funerals. All the funeral providers in the network offer a direct cremation from between the price of $495 and $1,395 (depending on the area, as cremation costs vary state-to-state). Nobody should have to over-spend on a funeral!

well casket store guy, you are wrong. while we do have a modular display system, our casket distributor has a warehouse that is only an hour and a half away and they deliver the caskets themselves and don't rely on fed ex or other delivery services. I know of no funeral home who deals with any online store for their caskets. No casket store has any casket made by the top 3 manufacturers of caskets in the United States. Casket store caskets are manufactured mainly by overseas manufacturers. If the casket store guy is selling American made caskets for less than the funeral home, then he is giving them away or he is lying. Nothing made in America is cheaper than stuff made in China.

This is directed at comments that the casket you get from an outside source other than the funeral home is very incorrect. I own a casket store and the caskets I carry are 1st quality American made caskets. They are not substandard in anyway. One of a funeral homes biggest profits are the caskets. I have found that a lot (not all of them by any means) do put down a casket that is brought in from outside of their funeral home. When in fact you may be buying your casket from the very place that the funeral home is getting theirs, and a high average of funeral homes do get theirs from China, not to mention that a lot of funeral homes now do not carry caskets in stock but order them online as needed, so in many cases your chance of receiving a damaged shipped casket are just as great, and a higher price.

yes it was

The reason families sometimes feel that they're taken advantage of is this: Whether a death is expected or not, it's always a shock. Making funeral plans at a time when clear thinking is difficult is not the best scenario. At our funeral home, we encourage our families to preplan so that their plans are in place at the time of death. When death occurs we sometimes feel not only sad and overwhelmed, but guilty or angry. Bereaved families sometimes purchase caskets and vaults that the deceased would never have considered for him/herself, out of guilt. Everyone should have a frank discussion about funeral arrangements with their loved ones, and follow through with some professional planning. One problem with tucking funds away in the bank for funeral expenses is that those funds inevitably must be spent on something else - usually on healthcare and long-term care expenses. Then the family ends up having to cover the funeral expenses out of their own pockets anyway.

I had already read this info several months ago & when I suddenly had 2 funerals back to back to plan & pay for it helped me to know what to ask for, about the type of expenses I would have, etc. I will say that the funeral home that helped me put no pressure on me in any way & did a marvelous job. I was ask if I had a budget & when I told them what my budget was, they were more than helpful in guiding me to make decisions that would fall within that budget. We had one funeral on Saturday & the other one on Sunday. I felt the amounts charged were very reasonable & both ceremonies were beautiful--I was complimented by almost every person attending at how beautiful everything was!!!!!

Wow...I did not know all this.. thank you for sharing this information!!! I will definetly pass this article on...

Very good information. Thank you for the tips.

This was wonderful information. Thank You

The article was very factual and often explained what the law required vs what the funeral wants.

The details as to laws concerning burials.

I really are astonish about what is involved in death arrangement

Hi tazzy2129, so sorry to hear about your loss. You are not alone; many caregivers have questions about cost assistance for funerals. You can find one of our experts' answers as well as member answers on this ask and answer page: (http://www.caring.com/questions/funeral-cost-assistance). I wish you the best of luck and hope this information helps you. -- Emily | Caring.com Community Manager

My brother die last Sunday of a heart attack . And he didn't have life insurance. And my mother is on fixed income and is try to pay for his funeral We need help paying for his funeral . Who can I talk to?

The majority of funeral providers are very reputable. As in every profession, there are some that are not so good. While this article focused mainly on cost, it should be noted that you will get what you paid for. One funeral home may be less expensive than another, but it is probably a reason you won’t be aware of until after the funeral is over, like the chapel is too small to serve your family and friends for the service or they just don’t do a good job and the only way they can be competitive in the market is by price. The article was also outdated in the information about caskets. The majority of funeral homes do not mark their caskets up nearly as much as the article stated, the majority of them are somewhere between the 1.5 and 2 times wholesale cost. You can purchase a casket from another source, but chances are it will be a casket manufactured in china and the casket will be of substandard quality. You can also purchase a casket on line, but what if the casket is damaged in shipping, the internet provider sends the wrong casket or the casket doesn’t arrive in time for the service. This sort of thing has happened, are you willing to pay to have to change your services because the casket company didn’t do something correctly? When it comes to preplanning or prepaying for your funeral you have several options. You don’t need to prepay for a funeral unless you absolutely have to. If you have to do a spend down so you can receive Medicaid for assisted care or medical services then “yes”, it is a good idea. If you don’t have to do a spend down do one of the other things the article lists because many funeral homes do not extend credit anymore and you don’t want to delay something until you can pay the bill in full. As far as preplanning, it is best to talk to your family and find out what would be beneficial to them or how they envision honoring your life. Remember, the funeral is ABOUT you, it is FOR your family. Your wishes should only be carried out if they are acceptable to your family, if your family would rather honor your life in another way, please consider their needs above your wants. Compromised can certainly be made and any funeral director would be able to discuss options that may be acceptable to all parties. I will monitor this site and will be available to answer other questions in the future.

Hi my loving mom, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to cope with. One place to start looking for information about financial assistance for funeral and burials is here: http://www.caring.com/questions/funeral-cost-assistance . Hopefully there's information there that will help. You and your will be in my thoughts. -- Emily

my mother passed jan1, 2011 I'm so stressed out I cant afford to bury her...Right now all I do is cry,, PIEASE SOMEBODY I NEED HELP!! NO MATTER HOW SMALL IT WILL BE APPRECIATED. THANK YOU..

Just the information in itself because I am presently researching anything I can in regards to funeral expenses and planning.This article really did shed some light on alot of questions that I have. thank you

This helps me when the time comes to bury my husband or any loved ones. THat way I won't get taken advantage of.

My husband and I are ready to make our arrangements. Thank you for your insight. When my father passed away in Arizona, with no insurance, it was very hard to balance the grief and the necessary things. All we knew was that he wanted to be cremated, but we were totally surprised by the rest; as we had never been involved in a cremation. Our total expenses, though, excluding travel, was near $1200. The monument will be at least that much. It's true that at a very vulnerable time in ones life, the living can be "taken", the expense is so great and becomes the burden for those left behind. We'll not leave without plans and arrangements. Thankful for your information!

If I move to a different state can I ever move buried cremated ashes and sell the plot?

There are Givnish funeral homes are all over. John is young. No problem here. I have a paid up letter I will copy & give you for my file. See "Luke 10:25", there is a reading I want on my cards. I plan on sticking around for a good while. Dad

Another trap to avoid: buying services that the funeral home plans for you. This is a very personal process, and you need to feel that you're in control and have the ability to choose between the options that you want. Pre-planning each factor, down to where you want to be buried will help make your funeral exactly what you want it to be.

One huge factor to consider is the cemetery you choose for your loved one. There are many kinds, each offering different options. Or would your loved one like to be cremated? Many say that cremation is the least expensive option - but it really depends on what kinds of packages you can find with your local funeral homes.

Thank you for the wonderful article. It was very well researched. It is sad that most of these scams are targeted toward the elderly and/or bereaved. What a shame! But I appreciate the "how to avoids." I work on a national eldercare blog and we write a series that shines light on elder scams. We will have to look into this topic. To read more on elder scams and how to prevent them, I hope that you will check out our site at www.rightathome.net/seniorhomecare Best, Bill

I am ill/disabled, divorced and no living children. Therefore, I sat down w/ the Funeral Director and planned just what I wanted to be done, w/ my attorney and power of attorney present. I set things up on a payment plan, I felt I could manage, over 6 years. When I was well into paying on the funeral plan, I then decided to purchase the headstone (I already had bought a section of the cemetery, including 10 spaces, as I knew those would be gone and no one else would have the foresight to buy them, etc...) The stone is in place, I have checked it out and could not be more pleased, and, I will be one row down, same space # as my Mother. This has taken such a "burden" off of me. I feel like I can now "LIVE" and not spend my time worrying about "DYING" Peace

Very helpful. We recently buried my 4 year old Grandson.The part about the arrangements of the caskets is something I was not then aware of, but am now thanks to your article. I will keep this information handy for the future.

thank for the informatio. The information was very helpful. If only I would have done my research on funeral before my mother passed I would have save thousands of dollars and I would not have a balance I owe to the furneral home as now.

Thanks for the information. Was not aware that I had options.