Use this agenda as a guide for a family meeting on how to help an aging love one.

Name a facilitator.

Meetings always go more smoothly when someone is directing the communication traffic. Your parent may or may not be able to assume this role, depending on his condition. Either way he should be as involved as possible. Many families have a sense of who among them makes a good facilitator. It should be someone who's patient, relatively objective, and decisive enough to keep the meeting flowing. If all else fails, put names in a hat and draw. Take turns. Or consider asking an objective outsider to facilitate, such as a clergy or family counselor or geriatric care manager.

Write down everything that needs to be done.

You can just use paper or a white board if one is available. This list will depend on your parent's condition, but things to consider include daily care tasks like bathing, dressing, and washing dishes; errands, shopping, appointments, and activities; escorting your parent to social functions or entertainment such as films; attending medical appointments and consulting with doctors; and managing your parent's finances, including paying bills and banking.

Organize tasks by time and frequency.

Once you've developed a comprehensive list of all that needs doing, start organizing the tasks by how often or when they need doing, such as daily, weekly, or intermittently.

Identify family jobs.

Ask everyone to sign up for what they realistically can handle, including how often or for how long.

Identify care gaps.

See what's left -- the care gaps -- and discuss options for meeting these needs. This is when you consider enlisting friends, neighbors, and hired help like in-home caregivers or a geriatric care manager.