If the person you're concerned about has a cognitive problem and can't understand the danger he poses to himself and others, you may have to take more extreme measures. Some adult children have resorted to having their parents' car disabled or found ways to make it disappear; others have hidden the car keys -- and have never found them. In The Driving Dilemma, Elizabeth Dugan cautions adult children to use such "extralegal steps" only in cases where there's a clear danger and the driver is incapable of understanding the risk.
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I have tried every one of these measures, and my mother in law still drives. Her other sons refuse to "upset her" by having her evaluated at the drivers license bureau, or the doctors office. I spoke to her doctor, and he didn't want to be the "bad guy", so he did absolutely nothing, and I sent a dangerous driver form to the state department of motor vehicles and told them she had hit a parked car in a lot, tore off the front end, dragged it behind her, but was totally unaware until police were waiting outside the store for her. She is diabetic, and denies it saying doctor is in a conspiracy, she is on high blood pressure meds, and against doctor advice she takes on average 30 different "herbs" and supplements, she has fallen several times and once required surgery to repair an arm, she has had a quad bypass, she writes letters to police chief saying there are homeless people sleeping in her car, she tells police family members are stealing lotion, Bible bookmarks, eye exercise video tapes, puts spike nails sharp side up around fence perimeter because she swore people were stealing her tomatoes...but the city made her have them removed. She has hit the fence dividing her driveway from the neighbors yard (the neighbor does not have a driveway, so I know she did it.) She orders stuff and uses her credit card, then forgets and calls credit card company when item arrives to her house, and claims identity theft. She had an episode about 4 or 5 years ago where she was smelling carbon monoxide in her house, our house, another house, a few cars she was in, and we tried to explain you can't smell that, it is odorless. She had furnace replaced and the chimney liner too. Still smelled stuff that was not there and called 911, gas company repeatedly even after being assured house was safe. She changed chimney liner 2 more times in 3 months at a large expense she can't afford. She is ruining herself financially from home shopping, scams from magazines about "cancer cures" etc. She is on a fixed income, has no savings, and her house it worth nothing, and now she owes a mortgage on it from credit card debts. The department of motor vehicles refused to do anything about my report, and their excuse was this...I was not a close enough relative...just her daughter in law, even though I was doing a lot of the hands on care! Thanks for nothing folks. Any other ideas? I am very worried she will harm others from her terrible driving, or herself. The other relatives refuse to pull their heads out of the sand, and demand she just be left living alone with nobody checking on her at all.
You did not mention the option of a clinical driving evaluation performed by occupational therapist. These evaluations provide objective data for accident risk. Most family members are thankful for the evaluation and the reasoning behind why restrictions or recommendations to retire from driving are made. Contact ADED website to find an driving program near you. Duke Driving Program
My mother was 81 and I was taking her to her hair appointments etc. One morning, she wanted to go to the grocery store that she had been going to for 30 years. She has a clean record and just had her license renewed. I got a phone call about 15 minutes after I had last talked to her. She was killed pulling out of the road my parents lived on for 30 years. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. The accident was her fault..the other driver was fine, he was in a monster truck. Do your best to keep them from driving!! I thank God she did not hurt anyone else, that would have been unbearable. My dad is still driving but he is VERY alert and is more like a much younger man. It is not age as much as thier physical and mental health.
My father's driven like a maniac his whole life. Now he's finally slowing down a bit!
I am so not looking forward to the day I might have to suggest to my mother that she not drive. She's so independent now and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
Very helpful. Now we need an article to deal with the guilt and possibly the blame of taking the driving privileges away.