How do we choose the right assisted-living facility?

Once you've narrowed down the choices, you and the person you're caring for should ask to visit the community several times, share a meal, and meet staff and residents. If you have friends or acquaintances who have moved into assisted-living communities, try to arrange visits with them, ideally at mealtimes, and find out what their experiences have been.

Ask to look at the weekly menu, the list of activities, and the residents' agreement, which should outline both services and costs. Look for emergency call systems in each room, and make sure staffers are available around the clock.

The Assisted Living Federation of America (ALFA) has created a consumer checklist that can help guide you through the process of checking out various assisted living communities. ALFA also provides a list of state agencies that oversee assisted living, which you can contact to see whether there have been any complaints about a community you're considering.

In the end, there's no substitute for going with your gut. Talk to residents and look at how they are. Is it a place where people are sitting around with their heads hanging down, or is there activity? How does it feel? Walking into a community will tell you whether the person in your care might want to live there.