Caregiving experts agree that your attitude has a powerful influence on the quality of the caregiving experience and its impact on your marriage. "It's important, no matter how busy you are, not to lose the fun in life, the celebration," says O'Dell.

• Honor each others' birthdays and holidays. This doesn't mean you need to make elaborate preparations. If you're pressed for time, pick up a cake at the grocery store and cook an easy dinner. And don't wait for the official holidays to celebrate. "If you're having a terrible day, see if you can turn it around," says O'Dell. "Sure, you're exhausted, but you can still grab candles, bubble bath, and a box of chocolates at the grocery store and make a night of it."
• Create satisfying rituals. O'Dell is a firm believer in little rituals that brighten the tough and often tedious landscape of caregiving. "My husband and I have had a long standing 'date' on Sundays -- with the couch, a quilt, the newspaper, some pastries, a pot of coffee, and the CBS Sunday Morning show," she says. "This has been our tradition for years, and as long as we have this very sacred time, the rest of our crazy week seems doable."
• Share an activity that your elderly relative enjoys. If your relative is very ill, she may not be able to do much -- but she still may enjoy taking a drive, watching a favorite movie together, or enjoying a special treat. O'Dell's mother, who had Alzheimer's, loved Dairy Queen, for example, so the family would frequently drive to one nearby and eat ice cream together in the car.
• Look for the 'gifts'. Therapist Emel points out that as demanding as it is, caring for elderly relatives also carries important rewards. "I don't want to paint too rosy a picture, because caregiving is really, really hard," she says. "But I always encourage people to look for the gifts in any situation. Caregiving can be a gift if it helps you and your spouse work on and improve your communication skills and ultimately strengthen you marriage."