Experts say it's important to recognize, from the very beginning, the dangers of caregiver burnout. There's no way you can take on all aspects of caregiving alone, and if you try, you're bound to grow frustrated and discouraged pretty quickly. Keep in mind that cancer treatment takes time, and you're at the beginning of a long and difficult journey. If you use up all your reserves of time, energy, and support at the beginning, during the "crisis" phase, you won't have enough stamina to hang in there during the prolonged phase of care management.

Your role will constantly change as you and the person you're caring for evaluate what she can do and what she needs you or someone else to do for her. "It will be a constant evolution as the person goes through periods of helplessness and then through times of feeling empowered," says Bonnie Bajorek Daneker, author of The Compassionate Caregiver's Guide to Caring for Someone with Cancer. "You'll find you're constantly trying to balance between these two stances. You always have to adjust, depending on how she's feeling."

For example, Daneker says, it's common for cancer patients to feel strong and capable during periods between chemotherapy treatments, and then extremely fatigued and emotional during and right after treatment. Or you may find that the steroids often prescribed during chemo give her a short-lived energy boost that lasts for a day or two before dissipating, at which point the fatigue hits. "As a caregiver, you have to be so in tune with what the patient wants and needs," Daneker says. "It's important to be flexible and highly communicative to deal with the constant changes."

What are you able and willing to do, and what can't you do?

Becoming a caregiver for someone with cancer may be a role you choose, or it may feel like a role that has been thrust upon you. After all, it's not easy for you -- or anyone -- to accept the idea that a serious illness has entered your life. You may struggle with denial and acceptance just as she's struggling with the same issues.

By stepping into the role of caregiver, you're offering her the incredible gift of having someone to turn to in a difficult time. It's important, though, to try to be as realistic as possible about what's needed, and about your own limitations, right from the get-go.

Start by accepting the fact that caregiving for someone with cancer is a very big job. Practical considerations such as whether you live nearby or at a distance, how much time you have available, how many other responsibilities you have on your plate (children? spouse? work?), and how comfortable you are dealing with certain situations will play a role in which aspects of caregiving you take on, and which you choose to delegate to professionals and other family or friends.

Talk as openly as possible with the patient about both your strengths and limitations as a caregiver, and explain what you're able to take on, and what you've asked others to do. You might say something like, "As you know, my job doesn't make it easy for me to take time off during the day, so I'm going to come to your oncology appointments, but Bob and Betty are going to take turns driving you to your routine chemo appointments."

A huge challenge you'll almost certainly encounter is how to support and encourage the patient's optimism and will to fight the cancer, while absorbing information that can at times be frightening and discouraging. You'll often find yourself torn between wanting to say positive and encouraging things while still helping her to face the reality of a less-than-positive prognosis.