Quick summary

The cardinal rule of caring for a parent with cancer is that no caregiver can do it alone. The following categories of care will help remind you which things need immediate attention when someone asks, "How can I help?"

Cooking and serving

Cooking up a meal is a natural first instinct when we learn that someone is sick, but your parent doesn't need a kitchen full of uneaten casseroles. When friends or relatives offer to bring food, be specific about your parent’s needs and how you'd like the food prepared.

• Make copies of your parent’s favorite recipes, or recipes for foods he has asked for, and hand them out. Or, better still, scan and e-mail the recipes.

• Mention specific dos and don'ts. If your parent has food allergies, is a vegetarian or a meat-and-potatoes person, or has other likes and dislikes (which is likely if he’s suffering from nausea), be sure to say so.

• Ask for food to be divided into single portions and wrapped in plastic wrap or put in disposable dishes for easy freezing and storing.

• Schedule friends and family members to help prepare meals and wash dishes.