Becoming a caregiver for someone with breast cancer may be a role you choose, or it may feel like a role that's been thrust on you. After all, it's not easy for you -- or anyone -- to accept the idea that a serious illness has entered your life. You may struggle with denial and acceptance just as the person in your care is struggling with these issues.

By stepping into the role of caregiver, you're offering the incredible gift of having someone to turn to in a difficult time. It's important, though, to try to be as realistic as possible about what's needed, and about your own limitations, right from the get-go.

Start by accepting the fact that caring for someone with breast cancer is a very big job. Practical considerations such as whether you live nearby or at a distance, how much time you have available, how many other responsibilities you have on your plate (children? work?), and how comfortable you are dealing with certain situations will play a role in which aspects of caregiving you take on, and which you choose to delegate to professionals, family, and friends.

Talk as openly as possible with everyone involved about both your strengths and limitations as a caregiver, and explain what you're able to take on, and what you've asked others to do. You might say something like, "As you know, my job doesn't make it easy for me to take time off during the day, so I'm going to come to your oncology appointments, but Bob and Betty are going to take turns driving you to your chemo appointments."

One huge challenge you'll likely encounter is how to support and encourage her optimism and will to fight the cancer while absorbing information that can at times be frightening and discouraging. You may find yourself torn, for example, between wanting to say positive and encouraging things while still helping her face the reality of a less-than-positive prognosis.