Be there for the senior driver

By , Caring.com senior editor

Wherever older adults are on the driving continuum -- whether they're still driving, driving with restrictions, or must give up driving altogether -- you can play a valuable role. Your caring, active participation in their lives will reassure them that ceasing to drive doesn't have to sentence them to isolation and boredom.

  • Make it a habit to check in on them often, just to chat or share some news.

  • Offer to drive them to the activities they enjoy when you can -- or help find someone who can.

  • See that they are included in family outings, like their grandchildren's school events or a day at the beach.

  • Encourage them to try taking the bus on his next trip to the pharmacy, or to walk, if it isn't too far away, and offer to go with them if you can.

  • Urge them to ask for rides from friends and to reciprocate themselves.

  • Help them develop new routines and interests that don't require driving, like gardening, walking, or swimming at the local pool.

Your support and involvement in their lives will make giving up the car a far less lonely and frightening prospect.

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cherylh3800@­aol
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cherylh3800@aol said...
about 1 month ago
thank you for this, my sister and I have to talk to my Mom today,taking the keys and car away....
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An anonymous caregiver said...
7 months ago
The idea of giving up driving yourself is a good one. I did this (although certainly not of my own choice), I started having seizures every months, so I was not allow to legally drive for 6 months after each one. It does give you a lot more empathy for your parent. But the difference in my case was that I had the self discipline to NOT drive. My mother on the other hand, called AAA to get her car started (it had been sitting for 6 months while she recovered from an operation), and now she drives at least once EVERY day whether she needs to or not. " I needed some toothpaste," "I wanted to get a card for"......
Docwells
Caring.com User - Docwells
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Docwells said...
10 months ago
So, let's take this a step further. We have the talk with our parent and they refuse. Ironically, my dad, had this same situation with his mother and he and his sister ended up hiding the keys and then selling my grandmother's car. She was livid for quite some time. I see my dad repeating the same demeanor. A logical conversation is nice and was much easier a few years ago when I broached the subject of assisted living or moving closer. Now that he's closer, and older, he is even more defensive about maintaining the independence associated with driving. Either way, this is going to be a big hurdle to overcome for both of us and it is important for me for him to feel that this is his decision. The sad thing is when the disease grabs hold of his mind in those late-night sleepless hours he'll become angry and defensive. I can take that, it's just seeing him suffer that's the hard part.
ireadrules
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ireadrules said...
about 1 year ago
Your process takes way too long. If the only person in danger was the senior, fine. But, when the senior is endangering other people on the road and on the side of the road, all this letting it rest and coming back to it is unacceptable. We need to be blunt and straight forward in this instance. The senior's feeling is but a splinter compared to the plank of the death of a family, or a sixteen-year-old son, or a group of school children on the side of the road waiting for a school bus. Also, there comes a time when age is the cutoff no matter what. No 90 year old should be driving, just as no 70 year old should be a commercial pilot.
Mandalay
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Mandalay said...
over 1 year ago
How do you deal with a 83 year old father that is failing in abilities and vision but still wants to keep and drive his 40 foot motor home. He may use it once or twice a year and has limited ability to even hook everything upon arrival.
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A fellow caregiver said...
about 4 years ago
I always expected that when I had to talk to my father or mother about stopping driving that it would necessarily be one unpleasant confrontation. This article explained how the conversation can be conducted over time and provided topics for discussion. Very helpful!!
ens
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ens said...
about 4 years ago
I found the advice to be warm and supportive as well as helpful. I hope lots more families read this as it would minimize much angst and anger!!