3. "Are you sure your diet allows that?"

Variations: "I can't believe you're eating that." "Isn't that fattening?" "Why did you eat that?"

Why it's unhelpful: Questioning every bite your friend or loved one attempts is another form of control -- one that dishes up heaping helpings of guilt and shame.

Better: Be a silent good example, not a nag. Keep healthful food choices in the house and minimize junk without pointing it out. In restaurants, order what you'd like without commenting on the dieter's plate. If you're the eater, stand up for your choices. Reardon suggests comebacks such as, "Sure I can have it -- my diet is about moderation, not deprivation."