In order to discuss your parent's medical issues with her doctor, you must have access to her medical records. The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) protects the privacy of these records, so you'll need your parent to notify her doctor that it's okay to share that information with you.

If your parent has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and her mental state is deterioriating, time is really of the essence. Here are the questions to ask your parent's medical provider:

Why do you think it's Alzheimer's disease and not something else?

The doctor's explanation of how he arrived at a diagnosis will help you gain a better understanding of your parent's condition. It's also your best response to the denial often voiced by family members or your parent herself. Ask how the doctor distinguished your parent's condition from other illnesses or other types of dementia. Make sure you're clear on how your parent's condition differs from "normal" aging.

What stage of the disease is my parent in now?

Although Alzheimer's progresses along a gradual continuum, the disease is typically divided into early, middle, and late stages. Alzheimer's affects each person differently and its stages overlap a bit, but there are common patterns. Knowing the stages and patterns enables you to help your parent manage her symptoms and to plan ahead. Ask the doctor what makes him think your parent is in a particular stage.

If your parent is in early Alzheimer's, ask for suggestions on how to make her daily life easier and help her maintain her independence for as long as possible. Ask specifically, "What does my parent most likely need from me right now?" The doctor may offer advice on how you can help make your mother's home safer, how to manage her routine, and how to assist with her medical care (such as keeping up with appointments and taking medications correctly and on time).

What can I expect in the next stages?

Knowing what lies down the road as the disease progresses helps you think ahead. Together, you and your parent's doctor can create a comprehensive care plan. The physician can identify issues that you'll likely need to address and ways to cope with them. In addition, ask about which skills your parent may retain in each stage and how you can help her make the most of them. Now is also a good time to ask about recommended books or other reference materials and resources on Alzheimer's disease.