Words are only a part of the way that all humans communicate with one another. Facial expressions are especially important for someone who has trouble following a conversation and remembering what was just said. So try to face the person as much as possible, and look directly in his eyes.
You can also signal that you're friendly, interested, and approachable with physical cues such as your facial expression, gestures, and posture. Smile or look concerned as you talk to underscore your message. Point to the thing you're talking about; for example, point to the kitchen as you say, "Lunch is ready." Use other gestures such as shaking or cocking your head or raising your hands palms-up when asking a question. Beware of accidentally sending negative signals: a blank apathetic expression, brows knitted in frustration, crossing or folding your arms in front of you, and placing your hands on your hips.
Giving a gentle, encouraging touch can help guide the person when you give him instructions or when you're trying to direct his attention to something. Don't underestimate the benefit of physical affection when you talk, from touching his knee lightly to rubbing his back or ending a conversation with a kiss. All these gestures can help keep him feeling relaxed and less frustrated.
Your tone speaks louder than words, too. So try to keep your voice pleasant and inviting, not overly loud (unless deafness is a real issue). Be careful not to express anger or frustration -- even when you're reaching your limits.
My 89 yr old mother has stage two AD. Conversations are rather amusing actually. Today I had a dentist appointment. Mom asked "where are you going?". I said "I have a dentist appointment to have my teeth cleaned." She asked 5 minutes later "where are you going". I said "Dentist to have teeth cleaned." She asked 5 minutes later "where are you going?". I said "Dentist". She asked 5 minutes later "where are you going". I said "out". You got to laugh at yourself. Everything in this article is so true. I'm the stubborn one and seem to not remember how to be simple. Mom remains the one with AD and the same. Some day I'll get it. I end up driving my friends crazy with long winded conversations just to hear myself say a long sentence.
goodMorning... When visiting your loved one, make it a special time both of you can enjoy. How? Take in an activity that can be done easily with guidance such as simple puzzle or games. If it has a storytelling theme you will find it easier to start conversations. Your visit will be beneficial and less stressful for you. For anonymous – my mother had a stroke followed by dementia, she became very frustrated when trying to say something and the most simple words were not there for her. It was frustrating for her and frustrating for all of us. At first thinking I was helping, I would try to help fill in the blank (guess what word she was searching for) rarely was it the correct word. I can still see her face as she shook her head in frustration. I finally learned to be more patient and understanding. Slowly the words would come, and she would smile and so would I. I wish I had those moments back again. I don’t know if it was the same thought she started, I didn’t care. Her getting those words out was a huge effort and success. The pain and frustration dementia patients go through is horrendous... hope and pray you aren’t there in her shoes someday. takeCare. karen
I do trey verry hard not to lose it but do sometimes in each case I will follow with a hug kiss and I love you
I found some of the suggestions helpful, while others seem impossible. I am a 52 year old woman with an 86 year old mother with dementia. It is especially difficult since we always had a strained relationship. She was a domineering, critical and manipulative woman. There was not much hugging going on so I find that very uncomfortable. I stick to subjects that are less antagonizing such as her childhood memories. She loves to talk about herself so retelling the same stories from her past make her happiest. When she asks the same question 5 times in 5 minutes I just keep answering them and try to steer the subject to something else. Not sure what to do when she asks to talk to my father and brother, both having passed away years ago. Sometimes I remind her of that, other times when she is yelling, and demanding to get their phone number, I say they're "out" and will call her later. Any suggestions as to what to do in this case? She is in an assisted living facility, so I have the peace of mind that her physical and mental needs are being met, but the phone calls she makes to me and the visits to her are truly a draining, stressful experience. It's especially hard having to do this around a stressful, full-time job, so visiting her every day is out of the question. I guess you just have to do the best you can in your particular circumstance and be satisfied with that, then let it go.
Thank you so much for these helpful hints. My Mother-in-Law has always been a very independent, take-charge woman and is now very frustrated whenever she cannot find the right word. We try to give her the time to figure out what she wants to say, but she usually will change the subject completely and repeat something she had just said a minute or so earlier. It helps to know how to handle these different situations.