Practical ways to help to ensure a "good death"
Poets, professors, priests, and plain folks all opine about what makes a "good death." In truth, deaths are nearly as unique as the lives that came before them -- shaped by the attitudes, physical conditions, medical treatments, and mix of people involved.
Still, many have pointed to a few common factors that can help a death seem good -- and even inspiring -- as opposed to frightening, sad, or tortuous. By most standards, a good death is one in which a person dies on his own terms, relatively free from pain, in a supported and dignified setting. Other things to consider:
Having affairs in order
Not everyone has the luxury of planning for death. But those who take the time and make the effort to think about their deaths during life and plan for some of the details of their final care and comfort are more apt to retain some control and say-so in their final months and days of life.
Legal specifics of such planning can include taking steps to get affairs in order by:
*Having an estate plan, with a will, trust, or other arrangement that sets out who gets property and how it should be divided.
*Specifying final medical care in an advance directive.
*Indicating preferences for a funeral or memorial service. Psychological preparation includes talking about an impending death with caregivers, family members, and others.
Controlling pain and discomfort
Most Americans say they would prefer to die at home, according to recent polls. Yet the reality is that three-quarters of the population dies in some sort of medical institution, many of them after spending time in an intensive care unit.
As life expectancies increase, more people are becoming proactive. A growing number of aging patients are choosing not to have life-prolonging treatments that might ultimately increase pain and suffering -- such as invasive surgery or dialysis -- and deciding instead to have comfort or palliative care through hospice in their final days.
Papa died 363 days ago. Mom died 108 days ago. Months before going to their home to care for them I read everything available on caring for elderly Parents. A couple years before then I made sure their legals, health care, funeral wishes, etc. were set. E. Kubler Ross, for one, was excellent. I followed whatever advice written, wanting Mom to have "a good death." I was there watching every day as her grip on life lessened. We said our forgives, thank yous, love yous and goodbyes about two months before dementia took over without even knowing death was so close. I dressed Mom for her wake, with my daughter. I was a pallbearer, watched as they covered the vault at the cemetery. And I still can't accept Mom is gone, forever. I arranged everything ahead of time for a smooth transition. There is no such thing. It's too much. I will be going to the Hospice grief counseling program. I'm so very grateful to Hospice and their home care program. Thank you for allowing me to share.
Good article. Will forward to my daughter, who is my father's main caregiver. Her love for her grandfather has increased ten fold since he was diagnosed with kidney & bladder cancer. This morning she called to say her dear pet had died, and even in her sorrow, she has a peace that she did all she could to take care of her precious dog. I think this fact, of doing all we can while someone (or something) is alive, helps us deal with death of loved ones. Afterall, a large part of dealing with grief in losing loved ones, is the guilt we feel that we could have done more.
such a great gift was given to you and your father. take care,
Watching my Father pass from this earthly life to his next journey, I saw the results of a peace filled soul transition. He had questioned life and found the answers by educating himself. He practiced living love as an action verb. This love spread out to everyone and was returned in kind. This was not death but a renewing of spiritual energy to another realm of God's great design.
...
James Ballard has received 1 hug for this comment
Hugs donoharm