The holidays bring scattered families together -- giving adult children the perfect opportunity to closely inspect how aging parents are managing.
It's no coincidence that calls to long-term care facilities and other housing alternatives spike just after the holidays. That's when relatives pick up worrisome clues of trouble or see crises unfolding before their eyes.
So while you're spreading cheer this season, be a bit of a double agent, also sniffing out the following eight potential signs of trouble. You're not being nosy; you're being proactive and smart.
1. Give a big hug.
Look for:
Obvious weight loss. Anything from depression to cancer to difficulty shopping and cooking can be behind a noticeable loss of weight.
Increased frailty. If you can notice something "different" about a person's strength and stature just in a hug, it's noteworthy. Pay close attention to how your loved one walks (shuffles more?) and moves (rises easily from a chair? has trouble with balance?), comparing these benchmarks to the last time you were together.
Obvious weight gain. Injury, diabetes, and dementia (because the person doesn't remember eating and has meals over and over) might be the cause. So can money troubles that lead to fewer fresh foods, more dried pasta and bread.
Strange body odor. Sad to say, changes in personal grooming habits because of memory trouble or physical ailments might be noticeable on very close inspection. Look, too, for changes in makeup, hair, or the ability to wear clean clothes.
2. Riffle through the mail.
Look for:
Unopened personal mail. Everybody leaves junk mail alone, but few of us can ignore a good old-fashioned, hand-addressed letter.
Unopened bills. This can be a sign that your loved one is having difficulty managing finances -- one of the most common first signs of dementia.
Letters from banks, creditors, or insurers. They may be routine business. But it's alarming if they're referring to overdue payments, overdrawn balances, recent accidents, or other worrisome events.
Thank-you messages from charities. Older adults are often vulnerable to scammers, and even those who have always been fiscally prudent are vulnerable if they're having trouble with thinking skills (a common sign of Alzheimer's disease). Some charities hit up givers over and over, and your loved one may not remember having donating the first time.
3. Take a drive -- with Mom or Dad behind the wheel.
Look for:
Nicks or dents as you enter and exit the car. These can be signs of careless driving.
Whether your loved one fastens his or her seatbelt. Rote basics are usually, but not always, remembered by someone with mild dementia.
Signs of tension, preoccupation, or being easily distracted. Is your loved one no longer willing to drive at night? Or on highways? Is it hard for him or her to talk to you or listen to the radio and also pay close attention to the road?
Signs of impaired driving. Tailgating, slow reaction time, going consistently below speed limit, confusing gas and brake pedals are signs to watch for. See 8 more ways to assess someone's driving.
Dashboard warning lights. Does the car have sufficient oil, gas, antifreeze, windshield-wiper fluid?
4. Inspect the kitchen -- fridge to counter to cupboards.
Look for:
Perishables past their expiration dates. Your loved one might be buying more than he or she needs, as we all do -- but you want to be sure there's a reasonable ability to ditch the old stuff (rather than use it).
Multiples of the same item. Ten bottles of ketchup or a dozen different vinegars might indicate he or she can't remember from one shopping trip to the next what's in the cupboards at home.
Appliances that are broken and haven't been repaired. Check the microwave, coffeemaker, toaster, washer, and dryer -- any device you know your parent used to use routinely.
Signs of past fire. Look for charred stove knobs or pot bottoms, potholders with burned edges, a discharged fire extinguisher, smoke detectors that have been disassembled. Accidents happen -- but accidental fires are a common home danger for older adults.
Increased takeout or simpler cooking. If someone who used to cook a lot no longer does or has downshifted to extremely simple recipes, the explanation could be a change in physical or mental ability.
Knowing what the signs to look for and knowing what to do..
Hello 'onmyown', Thank you for your question. To post a question to the Caring.com community, you can go to www.caring.com/ask. Furthermore, here are a few resources that may help answer your previous question, How to get paid to be a caregiver?: http://www.caring.com/articles/payment-for-family-caregiver or http://www.caring.com/questions/how-to-become-a-paid-caregiver Hope this information is helpful to you!
Is there any assistance for caregivers who had to quit their jobs to take care of a family member
Is there a place where you can reply to someones ques.
I just saw the comment up near the top about being on your parents' HIPAA release at their doctors; that was one of the hardest things regarding my mom; I really don't think I ever did get it; the only way I was able to begin to get to talk to her eye doctor was to call the office when they were there so then they had to get her permission to talk to me. She still didn't really understand at that point but 6 months later when her eye blisters (that apparently no one even knew she had and maybe she didn't earlier but seemingly the medication he put her on caused them because seemingly he wasn't treating her for what he really should have been but because of not having HIPAA I'd never been able to see the prior doctor report which stated what she actually had) burst and I got her back in to see the doctor she'd seen years before who had been supposed to be monitoring all these but she'd not realized it he said for me to be there; she finally began to realize she just was no longer capable of managing her own health; it was a very hard time for all of us. She'd always been very independent and not wanted me in her business but she also didn't realize all this new HIPAA stuff (although I'm not entirely sure she would have put me on); on the other hand I'm not sure she would have wanted her doctors talking to me earlier but when it got to where she didn't understand what was going on the doctors also didn't understand she also didn't understand the HIPAA forms and I'm not sure they feel they can legally explain it to them. That's something I'd like to have explained; is there something legal about that for these older people?
Hugs Mrrphh
I have never seen such a list and it is wonderful as an aid to those new to these issues.
To anonymous who worries about her mom's mental capacity because she cares for her Dad who has extra health needs: There are ways to assess your mom's functioning, but even if you had a list of things that caused you concern, my experience suggests she would vigorously resist your suggestions. I work with elderly and just these kinds of situations and I suggest that you make sure you are on your parents' hipaa release at the doctors and stay in touch with the doctor. If she sees a gerentologist, they will know how to perform simple field tests. You can also look into the Area Office on Aging in her area and Adult Protective Services in her state for assistance. Good luck.
I am a geriatric nurse practitioner and found this article a wonderful tool for anyone visiting a parent, friend or relative they hadn't seen a while. I will recommend it to my patients.
there were more detailed signs to look for that I have not considered.
i did not notice any of these signs, mainly because i live with my mother and the downward slide was imperceptible. but you have spelt it out so clearly i am sure it is not too late for others to take note.
This was a great list, but I wish it had included a section more relevant to parents already in assisted living but declining in purely social ways (since the mundane household responsibilities are no longer part of their life). I'm currently in the position of facing a long-distance visit to see M and D; Mom has declined mentally but won't admit it and I'd love to have an article to go by and even show to her to back up my observations. I worry constantly because she is the primary caregiver for Dad who's got Parkinson's. Her dementia affects Dad's health and it's almost impossible to get her to accept that.
This article helped me organize a thorough assessment of our own situation (not our parents; we are our parents) and realize that we are slipping across all fronts, my husband especially. My next step will be to organize resources available to us and see what we can do. My husband is already scheduled for a Speech/Language/Learning assessment.
Hugs revsharkie, Donnalee
These articles are so basic and practical. Folks who are dealing with parents in decline are fearful and struggle with guilt. Articles like this make it so much easier to spot problems and figure out what to do.
Prayers Mrrphh
Agreed! great article! went through this with my mom before I lost her last year. Knowing what to do about it is a different thing, but at least she did still have my dad who's still alive. We do have him under home health through the VA to go along with another of your articles but we were never able to get that for mom.
Hugs Mrrphh
Prayers Mrrphh
What a great article! This should be something sent to all 'children' of older parents so that they can keep a history of the changes in older parents' lives. Thanks!
The article regarding signs to look for in the aged, is so true. I just lost my dad this past week, having had dementia problems. My mom is still alive and in assisted living, but this will help me to continue to monitor her health as well.