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Alzheimer's Support: Featured Caregiver Conversations
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Caregiver Wellness: At Times, I'm Torn in Many Different Ways
YotiWest said...
I have been taking care of my mom (80) for the last 1 1/2, she widowed and no one in the family wanted the responsibility. I was just 2 years married. I work from home, own a karate school, a massage therapist, run a store front and a kickboxing instructor. My mom does not speak english, my husband doesnt speak spanish.
I fianlly found someone that can take care of her while I go away and take care things or when my husband travels I can now go sometimes with him. But, I find that I dont have any time for me.
I get angry sometimes, and I pray to be a good daughter. I never let her see me angry.
She is on Aricept for dementia and at times she has her good days and most lately have been bad. She only remembers present, not what happend two hours ago.
I take her everywhere I go, when I can so that she doesnt fell lonely, but I have so many other resonsibilites that I feel to torn in many different ways at times.
Chris Ballard said...
You are a blessing for your mom! And I'm sure deep down she knows that! I know, sometimes my husband is short with me, but then he'll smooth it over. We know that sometimes we try your patience, and we don't mean to, but we don't have as much control over it that the ordinary person has.
Do find a few minutes if not hours or days. Have you checked into day care or respite so you could have some time to yourself--if we had an adult day care I know I wouldn't mind going there, and I've actually never heard anything bad about adult day care experiences (I'm on another support group, too, where there are several people who take their loved one to Day Care). Just an idea.
Chris
YotiWest said...
Well, the waking up early doesnt work here, once she hears a noise she is up! lol! lol! lol!
The taking the bath is I do once in a while and sure it helps, but getting away is the best.
My husbands care very much for her and he does no wrong in her eyes, so that is good for me, but I dont really ever get to rest until I hit the bed.
It is hard for me to see the woman that gave me example to work, to be an independant woman, before me, be so needy and not there at times. It hurts and makes me angry at times and I pray for tolerance and patience every night. I adore my mom, but she is not the woman I knew growing up that hurts.
I work my in my massages, attend our store front, treach kickboxing twice a week and manage the karate school in which my husband is the instructor.
she keeps busy with wash, watering our yard front and back and helps me clean kitchen.
I know that she doesnt like it here - we live up a huge ski resort mountain, and the only time she gets to be around people that speak spanish is in church. I am trying to do the best I can to make her happy, but her family doent call unless I call to make contact and this hurts her too.
Thank you for reading/listening I really dont have anyone to talk to about this. :) I am glad I found you guys!
Yoti
BJGARRY said...
OH MY GOSH, YOU HAVE YUR HANDS FULL.
What a wonderful daughter you are to take your mom into your home. There are so few alternatives, and none that could match the love you give. I know it may seem you're short with her, but remember the love that grows deep with you is missing all together with others who may care for her.
Love and prayers to you.
BJ
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Senior Driving: Should I Let My Husband Drive?
SusieQ8 said...
A support group I went to made me feel horrible because I still let my husband drive short distances on his own. I feel he is a better driver than most people out there. What's your opinion on the subject?
Gidget23 said...
bosco2blessed thank you for your posting. I know we feel we are taking away more from our loved ones, but I want to know how you would feel if they killed an innocent person or possibly themselves. It doesn't bother me one bit to tell my husband he can't drive, and that is me saying no not the doctor. Of course the hospital wrote it up when he was dismissed last year, but I won't tell him that.
susanoffederalhill Baltimore, MD said...
My Mom had no problem giving up her driving. She had catarac surgery and that ended the driving. She always liked being waited on and that was just one more thing she did not have to worry about. She did fuss a lot when my sister did not buy everything that Mom had requested at the grocery store.
Now hubby with the AZ is an entirely diferent thing. He has given up riding the motorcycle but he is not ready to give up driving. When we need to go somewhere together he no longer offers to drive. I don't realy give him a chance I just got to the driverset of my vehicle and off we go.
I do like the post that says if you would not let your grandchildren in the car with the driver then they should not be driving.
gabbyev said...
Hi ,,,, My MIL has been with us for 3 months now , having her here has been easy not letting her drive. The doc told her straight that she can't drive any more . She is fine with it . She thinks she is going home one day as soon as she is feeling better , She will never go home I'm afraid as she can not take care of herself . I'm just happy we don't have to deal with the driving issue. Gabby
Caring for a Spouse: Feeling Sad Seeing Other Couples Enjoying Good Health
GMr said...
Hello. My name is Ger and my husband was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimers at age 58 (last year). He was an engineer who had his own business and had to give it up abruptly when diagnosed. I am a nurse who has just retired early at 58 too try to help us have some positive time while he is still in this early stage. Very sad at times especially when I see other couples going on with their lives in good health.
BJGARRY said...
Early-onset Alzheimer's has got to be one of the hardest to accept.
I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack at 54, so I can relate to the lost years of dreams and plans of things to do together.
All I can offer is this, live for today! Tomorrow will be worse, don't wait to share travel and all things on your wish list. Those are memories you will cherish.
Hugs & Prayers,
BJ
annette1971 said...
Gotcha, Krystara, I think it will finally sink in.I copied down that sight, will be looking into it for sure. Thank you! Annette
Chris Ballard said...
good link, tho, Krystara! Good definition of dementia!
Chris
Caring for a Spouse: It's Our 25th Anniversary and He Doesn't Remember
magdelan said...
Today is my 25th wedding anniversary and my husband has no idea. How sad that we have been through so much. Blended a family of 5 children, went through all the ups and downs that go with it, and now he doesn't even remember. My counselor told me to celebrate somehow today, but I just can't. Just not feeling it. Feel anything I would do will be forced. I am going to take him to daycare today and just come home and veg for the day. Reflect on my life with him, look at pictures etc. I am just sad today...
2many2care4 said...
It would be better than mine SuWhaley because I never sewed at all and poor Gidget is getting one from me any day now if she can recognise it as a quilt block;>)
SuWhaley said...
Ok. I'd love to see the progress you've made. I want to contribute, too but don't sew anymore.
Gidget23 said...
Yes I have one started so as the quilt blocks come in and as I progress/regress?? with it I can show the quilt and blocks to all you fellow caregivers. I have it password protected now, but I am trying to decide if I want it to be open to the public after all it is for a cause. I won't be using my real name anywhere as do none of you that want to respond. I am getting a PO Box for mailing address and everything. I'm having trouble with my heading as I can't get my bear and heart colored. That is a process in itself. I'll email the site and password to anyone that wants to see it and comment on it. You can hug me for my email address and or give me yours so I can email it to you. I have you email address SuWhaley.
Alzheimer's Symptoms: More Lost Days Now Than Good Ones
teriguet06 said...
I'm not sure anymore what stage dementia/Alzheimer's she's in anymore. There seems to be more lost days than good ones. She has now begun to tell us about peeping Toms at her window at nite. She swears that the first time this happened she went out of her room for help, brought back an aide (who also saw the person), then very shortly thereafter she could see all of the search lights and police lights outside of her room trying to find this trespasser. We checked with the staff there and none of this has ever happened, including the second time. In fact, they found her out of her room wandering and took her back and put her to bed. She's now very upset as no one has come to talk to her about it. Where is this all coming from?
teriguet06 said...
Thanks a lot for your note. I'm finding out thru this site that this type of belief is not so unusal after all!
Teri
suebax said...
I believe that someone comes back to help them on their journey. My grandmother, at the end, called out for her Momma, with her arm outstretched. I believe I'll see my mother, and my dog, and the other family members who have passed. There are so many beliefs regarding death, and who can say what really happens? This is one of God's secrets, I guess.
teriguet06 said...
bjkth1956: I was so relieved to hear that Mom seeing other people, specifically Dad, as I never knew this part of the disease - even though I've read a lot about it. I just go along w/the stories and am glad it makes her happy....this is happening all too fast though. I'm never sure what's next when I visit her.
Thanks a lot, Teri
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